The Pause

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The pandemic has turned our lifestyles upside-down, unimaginably so. The closest health scare I have witnessed was the plague outbreak in India in 1994. I was in Delhi at that time, and the fear had reached a stage where a significant number of people had started wearing masks. And yet, it was nothing like what we are facing now.

The situation remains very painful & distressing – considering the number of people getting infected and the deaths. In such difficult times, it is good to see that there are people who continue to find ways to cope in a positive way in the current situation. When this is over, hopefully soon, along with the sense of relief, there will certainly be the deep pain on our loss.

The few positives for now include cleaner air, animals & birds moving around freely other than more family time for most. Many have expressed this as being about ‘Nature reclaiming itself’. A more accurate description though would be ‘The most selfish, cruel, destructive & inconsistent species on the planet has temporarily confined itself. However, this reprieve is entirely temporary, and there is little to suggest that the behaviour of this species will change in any way”.


“Water and air, the two essential fluids on which all life depends, have become global garbage cans.”
― Jacques-Yves Cousteau

Mindfulness theory teaches us that one of the best things we can achieve is to insert a pause in our responses to situations. This is extremely difficult and requires lots & lots of practice (often over years). Both neuroscience & mindfulness converge here – we do not really have free will, if we want to have some, we need to build it over time. We are in a period of maximum opportunity to insert pauses in what we do – as a lot of what we do itself has been paused. This could be an opportunity to pause, reflect & change our behaviours: experience our oneness, stop exploitation & cruelty to animals, halt the destruction of nature etc.


“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

All of these however, require us to confront our deep-rooted beliefs and clear the cobwebs in our mind. This is not easy - in fact it is extremely difficult. Yuval Noah Harari, an intellectual I much admire, in his recent posts & interviews on the current situation talks about how global co-operation is much the need of the hour to defeat the pandemic. After reading, I wondered why he was setting the bar so low? Yuval Noah Harari in his book ‘Sapiens’ had called out our species for what we are – ruthless, greedy & inconsistent. Why then is he not advocating a more radical transformation? But then, I recognized that he was setting some realistic expectations – long term thinking is not a human strength, neither is clearing our mental cobwebs for deeper behaviour change. Our inherent mental cobwebs and the divisions we see today, reinforced by social media interaction represent strong inhibitors for change. Brene Brown described the phenomenon well in her book ‘Braving the wilderness’ – we do not post or interact on social media to dialog openly – learn & share, rather it is to reinforce our beliefs further. This can stretch to ridiculous extents when a call from a leader to instill a sense of positivity invites criticism of whether this will drive away the pandemic. As a matter of fact, this was never the stated aim, but if you firm your position, you feel constrained to criticize even this simple gesture.


“Someday, I hope that we will all be patriots of our planet and not just of our respective nations.”
― Zoe Weil

And yet, in the midst of the gloom, there is the opportunity which the pause provides to rid ourselves of our deeply ingrained speciesism, constant seeking of pleasure, wastefulness, self-centeredness and purposeless busyness.


Purpose

Awareness

Unity

Silence

Empathy

How are you?

(Image from pixabay.com)

Mindfulness practice has introduced me to several wonderful teachers, their talks and writings. One of the key learning has been how easily we trust our beliefs and feelings, which most likely are influenced by what we are told, see and hear since long. For a more scientific view of this, I recommend ‘Behave’ by Robert Sapolsky. One of the aspects of this is how we substitute an experience with words & an opinion. J Krishnamurti talks about how when children see a bird soar, they do it with a sense of wonder. After that, we provide them with words - ‘Crow’, ‘Sparrow’, ‘Kite’ etc and the novelty is all but lost. The sense of wonderment is diluted, and what is left is a word. Similarly, we do that to people as well – as Adyashanti and many others explain. 

I have been attending a course by Fleur Chambers on the Insight Timer app (I recommend both strongly). She started this particular session with ‘How are you?’. Well, a nice and very familiar greeting to start the session I thought. As I progressed into the session and practice, I realised that this was a serious question and the session was a moving experience, with the question repeating again. 

One of the things most of us do is to convert a well meaning & caring question to a greeting, with an idea to move on to other matters as quickly as possible. At the same time, those who have practised mindfulness for long do not do that. Their eyes tell the story. Many who have seen this, talk about the calmness in their gaze, but there is more – intensity, caring and very deep attention. 

Mindfulness teachings advise you to withdraw to silence. While it conjures up images of seclusion and negation of the world, in reality it is to help you view the world afresh – erasing preconceived notions about people, animals, birds, nature and everything else. More than anything, the world at the minimum, deserves our full attention. 

And so, with the deepest of attention, respect, care and love which everyone & everything in the world fully deserves, I ask again with sincerity: 

How are you?

Bypassing

The word ‘Bypass’ is used in various different contexts, all deriving from the basic idea of sidestepping something – an alternate way to route other than the main track. This blog covers in most likelihood the least discussed usage of ‘Bypass’. 

(Image from pixabay.com)

Practitioners of mindfulness are usually conversant with the term ‘Spiritual Bypassing’ which is the practice of using a spiritual band-aid of sorts to overlook and reach an unstable peace without resolving important emotional / ethical / development issues. In short – reaching peace with a poor paradigm. A sustained and open Mindfulness practice, however, should help recognise your bypasses, while overcoming them may still be difficult. And yet, being able to spot bypasses which we indulge in is no small achievement by itself. Quite possibly, this recognition coupled with some other spark can kick off significant lifestyle or behaviour changes, which are good for the self or communities at large. 

Over time, I have come to observe that bypasses are extremely common all over – at workplaces, media stories, communities etc. For instance, I read a management book sometime last year which had some advice for young professionals. One section discussed the need for young professionals to learn and build their capability quickly. The best option is a capable manager from whom you can learn, and is also nice – that is not always possible though. While there may be some lucky employees for whom this is possible, the others have to choose between the two: a capable manager (implied - a nasty person) or a nice manager, and the author went on to state that you are better off choosing the capable manager rather than the nice one. This book was evidently written by an author who had been in a leadership position (why don’t more regular employees write material on what a leader should be like, rather than leaders themselves?). I regard this as a very typical bypass indulged in by some people in management roles – “So what if I am nasty, you are still learning stuff when working with me..”. This cannot be an either or requirement; both are absolute prerequisites – only capable AND empathetic people should get to manage or lead. 

An open mind, deep self-enquiry and a keen sense of awareness are necessary to spot bypasses. There are a number of them most of us indulge in – many times without realising it. I regard the way we view and treat animals as one of the most widespread & painful, with a wide variety of bypasses being available – ‘it is the natural order’, ‘don’t curb my freedom’, ‘that is what animals are created for’, etc. 

Try sitting quietly and introspecting, if you can find the bypasses you indulge in. How many did you uncover? The extremes: 0 – Narcissist or a Guru, 100 – Too Self Critical or Messed Up (Unlikely).

Is Someone Watching?

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The debate on the balance needed between the need for privacy and ensuring safety with public places being under watch is not new. Nor is the balance easy to define or practice. The movie “The Circle” explores this with the characters asking “People behave better when they are watched, don't they?”.

People do appear to behave better when watched – quite clearly under pressure to create the right impression with others. The wearing of masks when around others or when watched is widespread – in order to create favourable impressions and in some circumstances with the expectation of gaining something. Shedding originality and wearing masks comes at a price, and I had explored this in the blogs “The Price of Masks” and “The Water Reflection”.

The question though is - why do people not behave better when no one or nothing is watching them? After all – the mask is off, and you are now your original self! Well, as it turns out – while we take off the mask we wear consciously when alone, there is yet another mask beneath which has grown gradually over us and has also gotten thicker with time. This is the mask built by the conditioning of our mind over the years based on what we hear and experience. This mask holds our opinions, desires, feelings, and potentially prejudices. And this mask instigates us to act in selfish ways to satisfy our desires, at times in inappropriate ways when we think no one is watching.

It is this hardly visible but deeply ingrained mask that meditation can chip away at, if we allow it to.

Right from childhood, we are taught how to deal with others. Shouldn't we also learn how to deal with ourselves? And if we as people all find ourselves, just maybe, the premise that we behave better when we are watched will become a lie..

The Car on the Wrong Side of the Road

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You see someone driving a car on the wrong side of the road. You can see the driver's face clearly. What would be your reaction the next time you see this driver again, though this time the car is in the right direction?

Well, I experienced something somewhat similar quite recently. I liked to read passages and watch talks of a popular spiritual guru. I found his talks to be quite insightful, and appealing. However, recently, I found his views on a topic close to my heart, to be diametrically opposite to mine. To me, it seemed that this one time he was driving on the wrong side of the road. I further felt that just maybe, he had taken his particular position with the expectation that it would be popular.

After this, all further talks and writings of his seemed not to inspire me. I thought I might as well move away from his writings and speeches completely. After a period of silence and calm though, it seemed that this reaction was inappropriate. Nevertheless, I continued to hold an opposite view on the matter which had triggered this reaction. Had this happened between two friends, we could have potentially debated it further, explained our positions and possibly amicably continued to disagree.

As I pondered further over this, I realized I had several choices which were all credible - I could segment his talks into categories which I wanted to follow, I could listen/read all of them and decide what I wanted to absorb from it, I could listen to other speakers and contrast views to introspect, and I could also invite opinions from other friends and see if I could learn something new. These are all choices – far less extreme, also more sensible and appropriate. Quite possibly, it would also be mentally more calming.

While we walk together with others many times in life, in fact, we are also walking alone. Each of us has to find his own way, however closely we follow others.

Sometimes I will follow, sometimes I will lead, sometimes I will wander, sometimes I will get lost, and yet I will always move, listening to the voice within.

Mindfulness – What are we trying to do?

This question is often a problem in itself. A definition is meant to be accurate, and literal.

While Mindfulness is largely about present moment awareness, this phrase often falls short to convey what it stands for. As you practice – you uncover more of what present moment awareness stands for including originality, acceptance, trust, humility, letting go and so many other things. Often mindfulness & meditation are mistaken for concentration techniques.

Much of what we do is a means to an end – we concentrate to complete some tasks. This in turn hopefully delivers rewards for us – financial or at the minimum recognition and appreciation. This makes it difficult to appreciate the impact Mindfulness has – since all we are trying to do is to be who we are - NOW.

I have found it easier to explain Mindfulness with real life examples. For instance I love nature and when I watch the sunset, I am often transfixed. Each moment as the sun nears the horizon seems wonderful with the sky changing colour and state. If I am interested in watching a particular section of the sky or I want a closer view, I have the option of zooming in/clicking pictures. If I am perched precariously or in a crowd (at times there is jostling as well), I have to be careful with awareness of the overall context.

So in watching the sunset – I am not pursuing a specific target, but allowing my experience to guide me. I accept it for what it is – without wishing the sun were bigger or smaller. I have an overall context, but zoom in & out as I want to. The sunset has my attention and to soak in the experience, I avoid doing anything else but watch. Mindfulness, and meditation is a lot like that. In fact, if you can relate to the concept in this way, meditation is effortless and fulfilling (though it may uncover pains) - as it is meant to be.

Meditation, when viewed as a means to an end, often fails. This is because the mind is certain to constantly evaluate the results, returning to the very problem mindfulness seeks to address. If you practice, the benefits certainly accrue pretty quickly.

(Images from pixabay.com)

New Year Resolutions and Plans can Wait!

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Well, that is not to say we should not be making them. It is only that they can wait – if only for just a few hours. It makes better sense to end the year with gratitude to others, before moving on to other things.

Watch this video I created.

Gratitude fills our heart and soul, other than being only fair that we thank people who have been part of our lives for the past year. Each person would have had a different impact on this – but with all of them we have experienced more of life which has better equipped us to face tomorrow. When we express gratitude selflessly, we expand our souls – becoming bigger than we were before. Similarly, it is important we receive gratitude with humility and grace. At the end of it, we have two people who have learnt to look up and see beyond themselves.

I take this opportunity to thank all of you who have been around – either in person or virtually. You have enriched my life in many ways, more than you might think.

Thank You All! There is a lot to look forward to next year! Best wishes for the New Year!

You know what - I am Right!

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Many of us disagree with the other over many matters. It does not take too long to form an opinion on where we stand. Quite often, once we have decided on our stand on the matter, we cannot wait for the other person to stop talking so that we may interject with our opinion. Many times, when the discussion at hand is not fact based but rather based on judgement, we find ourselves at opposite sides of the discussion. And the urge to declare our opinion superior is irresistible with a “You know what – I am right!” to finish with. 

Social media has magnified the effect several times. Just recently I was witness to one person posting a comment. What followed was a vehement objection echoing the thought “You know what – I am right!” (and not quite as polite as this!). Some of his buddies next jumped into the fray and the thought now moved to “He is right!” and very quickly morphed into “We are right!”. The speed at which this happens on social media can be overwhelming and also concerning. 

Wisdom tells us that we need to create space between a thought and our response – we need to respond with maturity rather than react recklessly. Mindfulness practice can be invaluable in this. The practice of consciously examining our thoughts and choosing our response in terms of fairness and best intent for both parties is something when cultivated is invaluable. 

I have personally felt that all major disagreements, relationship breakups and even conflicts all start with one person not adequately examining this one thought - “You know what. I am right!”. This person either acts alone or the thought travels (again un-examined) forward to others and morphs into more dangerous forms.

Achieving true balance in how we respond can take time – weeks, months or even years. We are after all, attempting to unlearn a bad habit formed since very long. The great Indian sage Ramana Maharishi had advocated a practice of rigorous self enquiry in understanding our true self. We can apply a similar technique by examining this one thought “You know what, I am right!”. If applied intensely it can traverse further thoughts and the underlying basis for why we feel this way. It is then a conscious choice on how we wish to respond.

A Reminder from a Sparrow

My wife called me excitedly and I went quickly, to find her pointing her finger out of the kitchen glass door. There was a sparrow pecking away at some boiled rice. She then told me that the sparrow had perched itself outside our kitchen chirping. As she looked out, she felt it was calling out to her. Thinking just maybe it is hungry, she placed some boiled rice at the edge of the railing. The sparrow pecked away in haste and that was the scene I watched. While the scene had it's touch of sadness, it was also beautiful. It was delightful to watch as the sparrow ate the rice.

I thought it was worth taking a picture or a video of the scene and grabbed my phone. As I lifted my hand, though close to 5 feet away, the sparrow looked up and seemed nervous. I abandoned the attempt and lowered my hands. We just continued to watch. After a few minutes, the sparrow hopped a few steps and flew off. 

This is probably an every day event with nothing extraordinary. And yet, when we immersed ourselves in it, it seemed to fill our souls. Mindful moments have that effect. 

We, humans, have distanced ourselves greatly from nature and other life forms. When I was in school, we kids used to play a game called “Name – Place – Animal – Thing”. A starting letter used to be chosen and we had to find words in all these categories. While only a game, it is I think, a reflection of how we think. There is us – names, and there are places – quite useful to us, then there are animals (birds, reptiles are included) and finally things. Evolution has made us a powerful life form, and we deal with nature & other life forms from the aspect of power and control. If only we recognised the oneness of the universe and used harmony and understanding as the interaction principle, rather than power, the universe would be better off and consequently we too. I suppose we have such attitude issues with other humans many times as well.

It is unclear what the precise impact of global warming will be, but hopefully it can prompt us to introspect and re-align out attitude and approach to nature and other life forms.

We demand a lot from a universe which has very simply offered itself to us in it's entirety. We must learn. And today, it was a sparrow which was the messenger.

(Image from pixabay.com. As I wrote I did not click a picture of the sparrow we watched).

Coming Alive with the Supermoon

(Image from pixabay.com)


Just a few days back (14 Nov 2016), we had a wonderful sight of a supermoon. The moon appeared bigger than usual and was beautiful to look at. I saw a number of excellent photos clicked by friends on social media. Sights like this spark something within us, making us more alive. Nature does that to us, and the supermoon certainly did that to us that day.

There are several possible reasons we love the moon:

• It is the biggest body close to our planet – in sight and keeping us company most days.
• It is also the brightest body in the night sky, reflecting light on our planet which we can see.
• It is the only other celestial body man has set foot on.
• The moon has a personality – different shades and lighted shapes. In that sense it comes alive in the sky every night.
• It has served paranormal and thriller authors well – seemingly impacting our personalities!

We, of course, thankfully, do not reason why we like the moon making a list of positives as above. If we were to take this further we would have to make a list of negatives as well, such as -

• The moon has no atmosphere and cannot support life.
• It is a slave body trapped by the Earth's gravity with very little to contribute to us.
• The moon sports no colour – being primarily shades of white, black and grey, with one side of the moon being always dark to us.
• The tides it causes on Earth is more a nuisance and also puts us more at risk at times.

This is not how we relate to the moon – we appreciate its presence and are happy that it is around in the sky, and appreciate it for what it is.

We, however, find it difficult to have a relation like this with the company we have on Earth - people, animals and greenery where we are more analytical – trying to reason what value they offer us.

Can we re-orient our relationships on Earth taking a cue from how we relate to the moon?